You know that line, “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans”? Yeah, 2008 was like that. This was the year my first kid was going to be in school and my second kid would maybe do some preschool and I’d have a few hours kid free! This was the year I had a lighter publishing schedule so I could actually get ahead with writing. (As in, unscheduled time to write spec books and proposals)
2008 did not go according to plan.
My first clue that 2008 wasn’t going to go according to plan should’ve come from the bout of pneumonia I had around Feb/March. That was horrible, and also made me think about things like mortality. I’m not going to live forever. Are the books I’ve written the legacy I want to leave behind? Would I feel satisfied with that, or not?
During this fun time, I was writing Animal Attraction and my oldest daughter was completely falling apart. I literally wrote the last word of that book, hit “send” to turn in the manuscript, got in the car and went to a specialist who evaluated our child and said the word that reverberated through our lives: “autism”.
The next book I wanted to write got nixed. I got asked to write other proposals instead. I wrote them. I started the next book. And meanwhile we learned all about this thing called “Asperger Syndrome” or “high functioning autism” and began to understand what our child needed to thrive. We were on a deadline, because school was looming, and we knew we needed to advocate for her.
The first meeting with the teacher did not go well. “She should be in special ed.” “But she’s advanced. She reads and does basic additon and subtraction. She’s not remedial, and she needs social modeling from typical kids, not atypical.”
In the end, our kid had one day of mainstream kindergarten, at the end of which she was so shut down that our bright, funny, mile-a-minute child didn’t even recognize us when we picked her up until we said her name repeatedly. When she finally did, she said clung to us and said, “I want to go home.”
So much for mainstream school. We took her home, and made a frantic call to a virtual academy that serves as a charter school in the public school system. They fast-tracked her enrollment, and after evaluation placed her in first grade. Not exactly remedial. She is a terrific student, has straight A plusses. Between school and home support and her doctor, she’s come a long ways.
With the advent of virtual school, our preschooler became a home preschool student. We’d done that with kid #1 out of necessity (no other options), but with school resources and curriculum in the house, she’s getting a huge headstart, reading and doing math at kindergarten level.
And I’m spending 25 hours a week or so being an early educator instead of writing. I had one plan, life had another, but looking at the results, it worked out for the best. The kids are happier, healthier, less stressed, getting a better education.
It’s been an intense year for parenting. Very intense. With amazingly good results, so I can truly say it’s all for the best although I am not ahead of my writing schedule as planned.So, so not.
The last year has really made me reexamine how much time I need to spend parenting/educating and how much time I can spend writing, and hopefully next year will be smoother with fewer surprises. With better information comes better planning. I will get out as much writing as I can, but not at the cost of family life or my own sanity. And I do in fact have to sleep sometime.
This has been a big year of letting go, simplifying, streamlining. Changing what wasn’t working for what does.
Goodbye, 2008. Welcome 2009. I’m looking forward to what’s ahead.
I just have to say that even though I don’t know you *that* well, I think you’re a terrific mom and I admire your dedication and all you do for your kids.
Here’s to a fabulous 2009 to you AND yours!
I hope I will handle this challenging year for my family as well as you take care of yours. You are an inspiration. Seriously.
Thanks, Ames. It’s kind of one of those “put one foot in front of the other” things. *g* I think 2009 is going to be much, much better.
Heather, I can honestly say all the last year’s changes and challenges have put us in a better place than we’d be in if things had gone according to plan. Also, chocolate makes everything better.
>>You are an inspiration. Seriously.
WORD 😀
I’m impressed too. Fingers crossed for a good 2009 for your entire family.
Aw, Charli! I hadn’t realized how much was going on during your year! Your dedication to your kids (and your career) is always inspiring, so please don’t feel like you’re not doing enough. It’s hard to hold down two full time jobs. 🙂
You’ve gone through a lot this past year. Me too. Here’s hoping this next year is a little less insane.
Happy New Year! 🙂
Sounds like this year just plain ol’ kicked your ass, Charli. And you sound like a gutsy broad. 😉
Wishing you and your family the best in 2009!
Thanks, Raine, 2009 is off to a good start. Getting down to basics isn’t all bad, even if it does take an ass-kicking to get there. *g*
Ann, 2009 has to be better! Here’s to a good one for both of us.
It does amount to two full-time jobs. Which is why I dropped all manner of organizational and promo stuff; do not have bandwidth. It’s been an interesting year and I’m still contemplating career implications.
Darlene, while it’s not comforting to hear that what’s going on is permanent, on the other hand just understanding for the first time is a huge relief. Knowing is half the battle, like GI Joe says.
Your girls are so blessed to have two kick ass parents who are committed to doing everything necessary to ensure they thrive. It’s amazing how “blessings in disguise” manage to separate the wheat from the chaff and help us to focus on what’s really important.
Happy New Year, Charli, to you and your family. 🙂
Although I just started reading your books and reading blogs and such, I can tell that you are an amazing person. I hope 2008 wasn’t too much to handle and hoping for a smoother 2009. So here’s to the new year and all the blessings it may bring! Keep on doing what you’re doing, it sure is working well!
Carolynn, it was very much a “wheat from chaff” kind of year! And when it comes to what’s really important, well, it’s kind of nice to see everything else fall into perspective.
Lauren, thanks, I hope you’re enjoying reading.
Happy New Year, Charli!
I can understand as my six-year-old grandson is very like your oldest daughter. He has been dianosed as communication disorder, but personally I don’t think he is on the border of autism, but over the edge. I am a certified speech pathology assistant so I understand from that viewpoint as well. Hang in there, sweety! Blessings on your new year!
Mary
P.S You write very fast (unlike me) – that’s so in your favor!
Mary, I bet your grandson benefits from your training. Thanks, and happy new year to you, too! And yes, writing fast is pretty much the only thing that’s saved me. *g* I can make really good use of limited time.
It was quite a stressful year for you. Holding down two demanding jobs, not to mention just the regular life stuff had to be incredibly difficult to juggle at times. You’re an inspiration and your children are very lucky to have you for a mother.
May 2009 be a much smoother year and may it bring health and happiness to you and your family.
It’s actually less stressful to have knowledge and understanding than to be blundering around in the dark, LOL. Cheers to health and happiness for us all in 09, NJ!
This may be inappropriate, so feel free to delete this, but I hate standing by when people are going through this sort of thing, so I have to at least offer…
My dad works with autistic kids (among other things), with a fair degree of success. It’s not necessarily a permanent thing in all cases… He’s originally a chiropractor, but also works with nutrition and hyperbaric and just about anything else that he has found that works, and he keeps up with the various research and therapies.
http://hyperbaric4autism.com/ is the website for his hyperbaric chamber rental business. And he does free consultations, so even if you don’t have use for his services, he may be able to point out some options that you weren’t aware of. Worth a phone call, anyway…
–Josh
Josh, we actually started taking her to a chiropractor and it’s really helped. Interestly, she fell apart after we left the rain forest. I wouldn’t be surprised if the quantity and quality of oxygen is a factor. One thing we know is that environmental factors have huge impact on her.