1. Right when you are encouraged, nay, required, to eat an extra 300 calories a day, you can’t eat any of your favorite foods because they make you violently ill. This is doubly cruel during the holidays. When you can’t even look at a cookie without turning green.

2. And the foods you can stomach turn out to be hummus and spinach.

3. You start taking an unholy interest in cleaning. This is even more disturbing when your normal approach to such things is to stop wearing contacts so you can’t see the layer of dust coating everything.

4. You can no longer drink coffee at a time when the effort of getting out of bed leaves you in need of a nap.

5. You start waking up every 2 a.m. even though there will not be a baby in need of feeding and changing at that hour for months, just so you have plenty of time to adjust to the sleep deprivation.