“Close to everything” they mean “Including the police station, which is good, because in this neighborhood you’ll need them often.”
“Convenient access to I-5” they mean “House is built under the freeway.”
“Beautiful landscaping” they mean “You don’t want to go inside this one.”
“Fixer-upper” they mean “needs wiring, plumbing, roofing, and then there was the meth lab in the basement…”
“Evidence of lead” they mean “And when you go to sell this sucker, you’ll be stuck removing every inch of paint from every wall, inside and out, and getting it certified lead-free.”
“Cute and cozy” they mean “Bring a can opener to get in the front door.”
“Quaint and charming” they mean “Best appreciated by an owner with a serious drug habit.”
“Fully fenced” they mean “Neighbor raises pit bulls and doesn’t have a fence. We advise you to never leave the yard.”
Househunting score so far: houses, 3, us, zero. But I’m not bitter.
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