I went grocery shopping. And…they’re back. The gingerbread houses. Some assembly required…if you’ve been reading this blog since last year, you remember. I still have post-gingerbread house traumatic stress disorder. So, in (dis)honor of the season of gingerbread horror, I give you this spoof. Find more Monday poetry (and Rhian’s party) on the train!
First I was afraid, I was petrified
Thought holidays wouldn’t be right without your candied sides
But I spent so many nights
Remembering how badly it went wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you’re back
taking up counter space
I just walked through the grocery store
and saw that smirk upon your face
I should have taken another aisle
I should have skipped the bakery
If I had known for just one second
you’d be back to torment me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to lure me with gumdrop lies
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and buy
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to bake
My holidays will thrive
I’ve got fresh gingerbread to serve
I’ve got sugar cookie verve
and I’ll survive
I will survive
Last year it took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken ginger art
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I’m not that instruction-reading person
tryin’ to assemble you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect you could tempt me
now I’m saving all my icing
for cupcakes that are disaster free!
That is too funny. My cousin made a gingerbread house, beautiful creation, and her dog ate the entire thing in like 5 minutes flat (she loved anything gingerbread).
Mine’s up, it’s in honor of Rhi’s Blogoversary.
Ann, I’m not sure what’s worse; having it collapse in ruins or having it turn out perfect only to be eaten by the dog! I think gingerbread houses are just cursed.
Absolutely great! What a way to go!
LOL!
Charli, you made my morning. I’ve never tackled a gingerbread house, and now having read your blog, I don’t think I ever will ;).
ROFLMAO!! Ann’s comment about the house-eating dog is going to kill me!
This is truly inspired, Charlene. My favorite lines from a fantastic spoof:
‘weren’t you the one who tried to lure me with gumdrop lies
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and buy
Oh no, not I
I will survive’
this was fabulous!!!
loved: i’m not that instruction reading person, trying to assemble you.
awesome Charli!
ROFL! I absolutely love it, especially after last year’s fiasco! *g*
Come on, Charli. You know you want to build another one. LOL
Guatami, it wasn’t great last year when I had to scrape up all that icing. : O Much better to walk on by.
Julia, glad I made your day. *g* Building a gingerbread house is an experience. Although as a friend of mine once said, “I don’t have to get hit by a bus to know I won’t like it.”
Thanks, Julia. And I will be strong. I better be! Every time I hit the grocery store for the next month, they’ll be waiting for me.
Rhian, glad you liked it. Happy blogoversary to you!
NJ, it’s sick and wrong but for a minute I was actually tempted. It’s like Charlie Brown and the football. *ggg*