Sanity #1

by | Dec 3, 2008 | Uncategorized

Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

When the results you get are not the ones you wanted, it’s time to try different things. This can start very small; if a major overthrow of the system seems too traumatic to contemplate, think of a small change you could make. Maybe a small change in writing process, or how you begin your day. Make a minor adjustment. Big change can begin with a tiny effort.

Bribing kids

by | Dec 2, 2008 | Uncategorized

I do have some writing-related posts coming up, on writing discipline, sanity, and sustainability. But for today, a parenting bit.

We spent the first five years of parenting reading various books, laughing hysterically, and asking why nothing worked.

But one thing we found useful for stopping unwanted behavior is to count to 3, and if they haven’t stopped by 3, it’s time out (1 minute per year of kid’s age). 1-2-3 Magic is the book that lays out this approach, and it’s excellent. So, great for stopping door-slamming or whatever issue you want to address, but how do you get kids to do the things you DO want them to do?

Our solution: bribery. And it’s working pretty well. If the kids have to go shopping with us, they get a book. They know that, so they behave. They want to pick out a book. (Pretty much any place we take them sells books, and if not, we stop at a bookstore.)

That helps for cooperation outside the house, but what about at home? Stickers and toys. Each kid earns a sticker for every desired act. Tidying up a bedroom, doing the morning getting ready routine without balking, behaving at the table, doing the nap and bedtime routines, helping with a task, school work, you name it. If they do something we want them to do, they get a sticker. Every 20 stickers, they get to pick something out of the prize bag.

So far we’ve kept prizes at $3 and under; crayons, paints, modeling clay, slinkies, puzzles, books, all kinds of stuff. But the kids love it and they love earning their “big” rewards along with getting to pick out and put on each sticker. (We have several kinds of stickers for them to choose from, and they put them on their own charts.)

This works pretty well for their age level (3 and 5) for immediate rewards and longer-term rewards for ongoing good efforts. Your mileage may vary, but we plan to adjust this to fit their level as they grow. Bribery, more fun than nagging! (And if you think about it, this applies to the the writing life, also. When was the last time you rewarded yourself ?)